it's pretty fucked up, looking back. but the point is, being a Barnam, you're raised with the expectation that you'll fulfill certain duties and roles. that you'll be loyal to the family. that you'll make the family proud.

it's only been a couple years since i grew up and realized they're fucking nuts. hard to train myself out of the feeling that i should still be making the family proud.

so yeah i'm probably being to hard on myself, but i can't really help it at this point.